A growing number of Armidale locals are gathering each month to break down the taboo of death, dying, and grief.
Run by Boobooks owner and former intensive care nurse Yvonne Langenberg, the Death Café has gained traction over the last year, offering locals the chance to have open, honest, and judgement-free conversations about end-of-life topics in a warm and informal setting.
The global movement, which began in France and Switzerland in 2004, encourages people to come together to explore one of life’s only certainties: death. There is no cost to attend and no registration required.
“People have so many questions,” said Yvonne.
“What does dying actually look like? What are my options? What happens to my body? Do my family know what I want? People often don’t start asking those questions until it’s too late.”
Unlike grief support groups, the Death Café events are not counselling sessions. There is no set agenda or speaker; instead, attendees are invited to guide the conversation, supported by a facilitator who ensures discussion remains respectful, balanced, and inclusive.
“It’s a safe space to talk about death and dying, whatever that means for you,” Yvonne said.
“Some people come with very practical questions. Others just want to listen and reflect. Every session is different.”
“People don’t always realise they have options. Or that it’s okay to talk about these things before a crisis happens. We’re so used to the system taking over. A person dies, they’re taken away, and you’re left trying to make decisions while you’re grieving,” she said.
The first event last year drew more than 30 people, far exceeding Yvonne’s expectations.
“I thought maybe six people would turn up!” she said. “It was overwhelming, but it proved the need was there.”
Monthly attendance now averages around 15 participants, with people ranging in age from their twenties to seventies.
“It’s not morbid or depressing. There’s laughter, curiosity, and sometimes tears. But most of all, there’s a sense of relief in realising you’re not the only one thinking about these things,” said Yvonne.
The idea for the Death Café came to life after a visiting death doula suggested the concept – something that Yvonne had already quietly been considering herself.
“Working in intensive care, I’ve seen what happens when families are forced to make big decisions without knowing their loved one’s wishes. It’s heartbreaking.”
Those experiences shaped her belief in the importance of having open conversations about death.
“A person’s death changes everything. But when plans are in place and wishes are clear, it can ease the burden for loved ones,” she said.
“One couple I knew had been married for 30 years and didn’t know whether their partner wanted to be cremated or buried. They’d never talked about it. That kind of uncertainty can be distressing in an already heartbreaking moment.”
In response to growing interest, Yvonne now plans to trial evening sessions for those unable to attend during the day. While daytime gatherings include coffee and cake, the evening format may include a glass of wine and cheese platter – but the atmosphere will remain relaxed and welcoming.
“It’s not for everyone,” she said. “But if you’re curious, come along and see what it’s like. You don’t have to say a word. Just listen. You might leave feeling more prepared and more at ease than you expected.”
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